Tuesday 10 February 2009


Look what I just found in my hair! Look at it! Just look. How did it get there? They're not mine. They're not LB's. I didn't find them up by the school like the last ones.
Wonders never cease to amaze your friends for life is a box of chocolates.

Monday 9 February 2009

Blackedy

I'm creating a show for Bill Cosby (fingers toes and everything crossed. Not eyes though, don't want to look like a bally Frenchman).
It's all about him and his fat uncle. Said fat uncle and Bill live on a farm in Winchester! I know! How do I come up with this stuff? I tell thee dear reader, if I was a Christian I'd probably believe in God!
All I need now to get my next big hit away is for Bill's lawyers to resind their devilish threats.
Had pig-tail pie for luncheon today. It looked unappetising but one can't waste any part of the pig when one's run it over in the Mondeo. Had mid afternoon lunch two with a wonderful young actress I'm developing a sketch show for. She passed on the remaining chunk of pig-tail pie (these actresses are always watching their weight, I'm lucky, I can eat whatever I like and can still fit into my size fifty two wedding trunks).

She's been in some right crapadoodle over the years so I think she was refreshed that I offered her something new. I'm using people off comedy message boards to write my sketches for me! Ingenious! I hear you cry.... no hold on that was Lucky Bitch calling for my sheets.

I'm back. Amongst the other talent I'm harvesting (apart from the geniuses on internetal forums) are two apples, a statue of Sophocles and Mitzy, which is the name of a fart I once did.

Better get the winter blankets on my bed now! Wouldn't want to sweat less than usual.