Somebody left this card on my office desk this morning. I presume it's meant to be me. I couldn't believe the cheek of it. My arms are easily long enough to reach any form of tasty pie. I laughed it off of course but that's my way. Inside I was wounded. Especially when 'Mavis' our camp northern PM shouted 'It's going to devour us all' as I sidled past. The vile shit got a huge laugh from the rest of the team which sent a shooting pain through my testicle bag.
Lo! I helped myself to some Freddo Frogs from the tuck shop and poured a wee dram of single malt to strengthen my resolve. By that time it was nearly 10am so I popped out for breakfast. By the time I returned it was lunch, lucky that the building has revolving doors I can tell you. Joke!
I'd booked a small lucheon meal for a writer friend and I around the corner at The Notting Grill in London's trendy Notting Hill. It's a real foodie treat - if you're a canivore. Alas I wasn't very hungry so I only had four courses (with wine naturellement) all of which were steak and chips.
We were meeting to discuss my brilliant new sketch show. What I needed was a writing team that were cheap, fast and young. I got straight onto Roy Clarke. Sadly he was out or dead or something. This man (who I'll name Boy for discretion's sake) sat in front of me at the dinner table was typical comedy writer fare. Glasses, non-descript old jumper, drink problem. We got on like a house on fire, or should I say a zoo because the sketch show is actually based around zoo animals and their keepers! Huzzah!
Suffice to say lunch turned to dinner, dinner to drinking, drinking to dancing, finally collapsing into bed in time to hear the first lark of the morning. WHAT A NIGHT! I only wish the Boy had been able to stay beyond 2 pm. I'm very taken with this chap, he's only very young but I think I can chip, chip, chip away until I have a perfect comedy machine.
Let's see what he does with the zoo ideas first. I'm particularly looking forward to my 'David the Monkey' character, he's a monkey, and he's really naughty! I had tears rolling down my cheeks when I was explaining this premise to young Boy. Being a 'yoof' he of course sat with a vague sneer on his ruby lips. He excites me.
Well the kettle's boiled now so I'm going to sterilise a needle and lance the boil in my armpit. Can't wait. Cioa babies.
